Автор: Марина Хрусталева,
​​​​​​​Университет практической психологии

I forgot what envy is...

It turns out that after passing the Distance, I forgot a lot of things. First of all, what is "envy"?

I'm walking down the street, and a woman is talking on the phone next to me. I hear: "Oh, how great, I'm just jealous of you!" - the word "envy" caught my attention-put me in a stupor. It's like when you learn a new language, you hear a familiar word, but you can't remember its meaning. " envy, what is It?» – «… silence. I can't articulate/remember." Then I went through a few minutes and remembered what it is and what they eat with. I remembered a couple of times in my life. I did it after all, and I determined what envy is. And then I asked myself: "Well, now there are also people who do something better than me, who have more resources than I do, and I would also like to strive for this or similar. What do I do instead of envy?»

What I do is this: if I like something about someone else (a skill, or clothing, or something else), I notice it: "How cool/interesting! I need it too, or – it would be nice if I could do it too! What do I need to do to have it too?".

And then I realized that I had forgotten what "shame"was. Recently, on the Internet, I came across an article that helped to get rid of shame. Again, when the word "shame" – inside the void, the word" shame " – from the same language that I do not understand. I realized that there is no shame in my life. And I'm not ashamed of it. Yes, there are mistakes that I correct as much as possible. I live in completely different categories that do not overlap with shame. And instead there is a question: "what else can I improve in myself?
"
Well, so far the last find is about betrayal.

Periodically, the word "betrayal" comes across me in articles, conversations with other people. Such a word in principle in my life was almost never, at least, I do not remember anything like it. Betrayal can be excluded in relation to others, if you take responsibility and obligations to yourself: to your family, friends, projects, life. Betrayal of others in relation to me is also excluded for the simple reason that I know that even in very serious cases, people can change their plans, intentions, etc. for completely different reasons. and I can be ready for this and make a plan B, C, and G. by the way, this is also why it is so important to form your right environment, where others, like you, have such a word in the dictionary and such actions are absent.

The partner moved to another project, and your joint project became not interesting to him? For me, this is not a betrayal, but the fact that the partner's plans have changed. And even if I suddenly have some thoughts, feelings and complaints about this partner, they are unlikely to affect him: he is already head over heels in another project, it is unlikely that you will return him so. I need to think about what to do next.

A loved one is interested in another girl. It may be controversial for some, but it's not a betrayal for me either: my intentions, tastes, and plans have changed. Or perhaps, as a favorite, I didn't take enough care and did enough. Can I and do I want to take care of my loved one further? What can I do?

For me, such observations are an indicator of the transition to the next level of quality of life, where the steps below are the basis, but the stage passed. Now the stage is such that by definition I do not know such categories as fear, envy, shame, betrayal, resentment, etc., etc. in my life – not because I do not use these words and disguise them as something, but because such categories are basically absent. What do you have? There is a responsibility to yourself, care for others, the desire for action and meaning, work on the Maximum of life, which makes life happy.

What exactly did I do?

What exercises formed this approach to life in the first place? I was helped by the fusion of the following: a Declaration of acceptance of reality, a Mistake!, the Author's Position, a Calm presence, If I loved, Good!

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