How to negotiate with a child

The child takes all your instructions with hostility, and in the end still acts in his own way, or does nothing at all.
​​​​​​​How do parents act correctly?


First, let's look at why it reacts like this. Perhaps your comments are too strict and the child is already used to it – whatever he does, his case will still be criticized. Why bother then? It's easier to shrug it off, or say something like "what's the difference?"

​​​​​​​Unfortunately, many parents, "negotiating with the child", set high expectations for him, the same requirements as for an adult, and the results themselves are upsetting. Here is an example that I saw the day before yesterday: a mother with two children of 4-5 years old is walking down the street, leading them out of kindergarten. Mother with children talking. Instead of showing them what needles are on the Christmas tree, what bird jumped, what clouds are in the sky, ask what they did in kindergarten, what they learned, mother and children "agree»: "Let's go through the Park, only if the carousels are dirty, you don't get on them, okay?" To the Park, meanwhile, go another 20 minutes at their speed! And I am sure that by that time the children will have forgotten this agreement completely. But mom will remember, and when the children still plop on the carousel (which just can't help but be dirty! And children are not always able to assess the degree of purity!), will say: "How so, we agreed, you promised!" So the feeling of guilt is brought up for no one knows what. Another option is to reach the Park, see what is dirty, get upset and go past... Is this adult behavior "treating children as equals"? This is ignorance of child psychology and misunderstanding. From the same series: "I'll give you candy, but you have to promise me that the soup is still going to eat".

It is also possible that the child is indulged in everything, and he is already used to being listened to by his mother, father, grandmother and cat Vasily. That is, he does not take the authority of his relatives seriously, or does not take it at all.

A long monologue with lecturing in such cases, persuasions, contracts, bribery-like a wall of peas. You can crucify yourself as much as you want, but the effectiveness of such methods is zero.

Dialogue is much more effective, especially if it is a well-organized dialogue. You give your main idea in the form of specific questions that imply a short answer. Important! The answer must be positive. Let's look at this with an example. The child refuses to do homework, solve additional math tasks, or does not like to read. The reaction of ordinary parents:"if you Don't study, you will become a janitor!". Or even better: "Do your homework, get an a, earn 100 rubles." Is it worth it? The child can safely answer: "the Janitor is also a profession!". Or: "I Don't want 100 rubles, give me 1000, then I'll do it."

What do smart parents do? Smart parents talk, talk, and lead the child to the right decision:

– Do you like to relax? – Yes.
– Do you like playing with your friends too? – Yes.
– Do you have time for rest, for friends, for new knowledge? – Yes.
– Every day to search, learn something new, and then share with friends-it's cool, because it's interesting to communicate with you. You can help others. You can attract with interesting stories, or surprise with the fact that you count faster than a calculator.
– Yes.
– Almost all the knowledge of mankind is collected in books. How do you start today with math or literature?

In such a dialogue, the parent takes the initiative, gives reasonable arguments, and the child understands, agrees, and makes a decision in favor of their own development.

I have been practicing this method with my daughter for more than a year. The result is that we understand each other immediately. Where it is necessary to convince, to prove that it is useful, we conduct a short conversation.

Me: Wanna go for a run?
Daughter: I don't think so…
Me: Is there a desire to be beautiful and healthy?
Daughter: Yes))
Me: Let's Go?
Daughter: Come On.

And if I used to run alone, now we often run together and do sports. She goes dancing enthusiastically.

What is interesting, I observe that this format of communication is already on her part with me, with peers. And this is very pleasing, as the habit of communicating in a positive way is formed.


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