Cards are telling the truth

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​I want to share a story that is relevant for many couples who are in a relationship. Often, in caring for the feelings of a partner, a person has some difficulties in voicing any discontent, in setting personal boundaries. In such situations, people either do not know how to correctly Express their position, or are in a state of victimhood and cannot stand up for themselves. So, the negative is hushed up, resentments accumulate, dissatisfaction grows. This causes a balloon effect. It swells, and then at one point reaches its limits and bursts to ringing in the ears.

In my relationship, there are one and a half such people. University of Practical Psychology and Distance taught me right and sintana to inform partner if you don't like something. But there are still things I can't say right away. My Man is afraid of offending me, so if I behave incorrectly, patiently keeps silent about it. We have to periodically pull feedback from it by tug. At the same time, we both responsibly understand its necessity and importance.

There was a serious conversation recently. A few days later, I finally matured and decided to talk about one aspect of the relationship that didn't suit me. First, we updated the topic of a certain closeness in relation to such moments, then I suggested a game.

We had a deck of cards. There are 36 black and red cards in the deck. We took turns taking one card at a time. If you come across a red one, the person says what they like most about their partner. The card is placed to the interlocutor in the red deck. Black card-we talk about what we don't like: habits, behavior, attitude. The card is placed in the stack of the black suit.

Before the game, my man objected: "It's so much black to find." And in the process, it was unstoppable when we got to my habit of offering to try my food too often and one overly colorful dress. We discussed all the negative aspects in the format of solving the problem. At the same time, it is especially important to refrain from accusations and stay in the game format – fun and kind. As for the positive reviews, I also heard a lot of important and pleasant things about myself.

How can this game be useful in the activities of a coach and consultant or for personal practice?

• The game format reduces the severity of the circumstances. In the game, it is easier to pronounce even negative moments, since we agree to perceive everything adequately and without resentment.
• The format of the game "fair" will not allow anyone to avoid their turn to speak. A game is a game.
• On an intuitive level, when playing cards, excitement is turned on, there is involvement in the process and complete immersion.
• Game props in the form of cards removes some responsibility in choosing what to say. How the map will fit.
• The large variability of the game. From classic games of cards with comments to complication by adding different values of statements depending on the suit and size of the card (for example, a low value is an insignificant drawback)

Conduct games for your clients, play them yourself! And remember the main rule: in the game you do not play against each other, but together against the problem.