Author: E. V. Goncharova, psychologist, coach
Video blog on YouTube

How to improve low self-esteem

Friends, when I hear complaints about low self-esteem, I have a question: how do people understand that the problem is self-esteem? Well, you told yourself what you are... And where does the idea that you rated yourself inadequately come from?


The only inadequacy is that some of our obviously inept actions, instead of training them, we put the label "I have low self-esteem".

And this popular term, in the end, does not explain anything to us, but only fools my head: if I work with my self-esteem – it will rise, become adequate – and then I will be able to do something important for me.

And how to work with this beast – self – esteem?

To do this, you need to explain what it is!

Self-esteem is the ability to evaluate yourself. Nothing is clear yet!

How do I rate myself? This is to evaluate your ability to achieve certain results that are important to me, in certain circumstances! Ability to act skillfully!

Can operate effectively and to achieve in the end? You will value yourself highly!

Can't you? You will learn if you are a smart person.

Or-you will think about low self-esteem, if you want to occupy yourself with empty thoughts.

Friends, let's look at the smart approach to business with examples:

A girl can go to the mirror and look at herself: "I'm smart, beautiful." After that, come somewhere and behave in the company of quiet water below the grass...

Internally, she understands that she is beautiful, while behaving like a downtrodden ugly lady.

Is it a matter of self-esteem that has fallen on her from somewhere? It's her behavior, the results of which she puts a label on herself, which presses her to the ground even more, because it distracts attention from the main thing. The main thing is that she just doesn't know how to do some things: support a conversation, ask for help, attract attention with an interesting topic of conversation, boldly look into the eyes, and smile incendiantly. In other words, the girl doesn't know how to communicate. ⠀

Another example: very smart people may not be able to speak in public, keep the audience's attention. And their fear of going to the gym is not because of low self-esteem, but because of a lack of skill. Do you understand the difference?

There is an opinion that if there is an adequate self-esteem – there will be no fear. Unfortunately, this is not the case.
All people have fears. Just someone who knows how to manage their fears and learn, on trembling legs)), new actions. Someone can't. Because I decided what I could do without being afraid.

All you little shits should know – everyone is afraid of! Everyone is shaken! This will pass after you start training the skill. Basically, you shake in advance, and in the process of training there is no time to shake))) The brain has already understood – there is nowhere to go, you need to master))
Conclusion: Friends, you do not need to worry about self-esteem, moreover, it is generally better not to use this word in a conversation with yourself, because it distracts from the essence. And the essence is as follows. You need to work with your ability to lower your anxiety-this is one time. There are two ways to determine which communication skills are missing. And step by step to develop new skills. Choose to start with simpler, less significant circumstances for their training. We do not immediately fall from a height of ten thousand meters))) And then-and into battle. In the most difficult circumstances, for which a new skill was trained.
Let's say you were appointed head of a large team. Daily planning sessions are mandatory. And you have no experience in public speaking. Is it scary to talk while catching dozens of other people's eyes on you? Yes? What should I do?

Practice in an environment that is unimportant to you, when your knees are not shaking so much.

For example, to make a speech in the company of friends, or to gather strength and Shine in front of those whom you see for the first and last time, for example, somewhere in an unfamiliar company on vacation. Look for these primary situations-simulators. Not lazy.
Friends, conduct an audit of your skills. Think about what skills you need to develop so that you think you have a good self-esteem? Write it down! Draw up a list)) And-act, train!

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