What is meant by emotion management

People often complain that they do not know how (or do not know enough) to manage emotions. What are they about? What do they mean by that? As a rule, they say that they do not always manage to cope with the emotions and states that have surged over them.

Got angry - and snapped. I was offended - and I can't get away from it, I can't forgive.

Most often, "emotion management" is understood very simplistically, only as self-control in difficult situations, in fact - as control of one's own emotions, the ability to restrain them, not to show, not to express. In fact, emotion management is a much more extensive area. Emotion management is not only the termination of unwanted emotions and states that have arisen, but also the prevention, triggering, changing the way of flow and termination of arbitrary emotional experiences.

Emotion management, emotion control, emotion suppression are all different things. Management is carried out in relation to obedient (arbitrary) emotions, control - in relation to disobedient (involuntary) emotions of medium strength, suppression - in relation to strong disobedient emotions. There is no need to suppress your emotions to someone who knows how to control them well. You don't have to control your emotions to the one who controls them.

You have restrained your anger - it is worthy of respect. But why did you allow anger to appear in your soul?

You were offended in your soul, but you did not accumulate resentment: you spoke it, and the resentment went away. Pronouncing your own feelings is the ability to convey your feelings to a partner or a group of people without resorting to accusations and reproaches. Pronouncing one's own feelings is done in order to prevent conflict situations with loved ones and as a means to relieve difficult experiences.

For example, if you are offended or annoyed by the act of a loved one, then just say to him: "I feel annoyed (offended) when I see that I am ignored." Worthy, this is a reasonable way to deal with grievances. But maybe you will set the following task and teach yourself not to be offended in principle?

There are people with a well-developed imagination and the ability to feel: it is easy for them to start and unwind any emotion, but it is not easy to stop the emotion that has arisen. The opposite situation also happens: a person can easily stop any emotion that has arisen, but it is difficult for him to join in the general joy, to be the source of emotional waves himself. It is clear that their tasks in managing emotions will be directly opposite: one needs to learn to stop their emotions, the other - to start them.

Emotion management is apparently an endless topic and for everyone its own. Just for example, let's list possible tasks for someone who is interested in this direction. These are the tasks:

• To evoke, to trigger the necessary emotions: to flare up with joy, to vent rage, to sparkle with resentment, to warm with tenderness and gratitude… At the same time, someone can do it freely, easily and almost instantly, and the other only sometime, somewhere and not immediately: a "warm-up" is required
• Hold the emotion at the right time. Many people can enter into a state of love for a short time, but only a few can live in a state of love for days, hours and year after year.
• Arbitrarily control the depth or intensity of emotion. Sometimes it is necessary to express an emotion loudly, vividly and outwardly expressive, in other cases, no one needs an external performance, but sincerity and depth of experience are important.
• Prevent unnecessary emotions, even when people next to you are energetically provoking you to them.
• Switch from one emotion to another, transform an emotional state into another, more desirable, use even inappropriate emotions for something useful. Anxiety can mobilize forces, fear can rally a company, jealousy can entertain…
• To restrain emotions, to stop emotions, to get out of emotions. In how many seconds do you know how to remove your offense? Can you, like the heroine of "Gone with the Wind" Scarlett O'Hara, postpone your anxiety for tomorrow?

The one who knows how to do this knows how to control himself, controls his emotions.

As for deep emotional experiences, most of them cannot be directly controlled, although in a specific situation it is possible to make emotional outbursts more environmentally friendly, and then turn to a specialist psychologist. If necessary, you can get rid of most involuntary emotions (to be cleansed).